Dealing With a Breakup

Dear Diary,

I just had a long phone conversation with a friend that's dealing with a recent break-up. She sent me a message asking "Soule, how do you handle the pain? How did you do it?" Right then I guessed what she was going through and decided to give her a call.

Rewind back a few months, I was in a similar situation and like her I was thoroughly devastated. Its not an awkward moment when your relationship ends, believe me its a shocking one. I literally couldn't breathe for a couple of minutes, I thought I was going to pass out because air was just not getting into my lungs. I had to calm myself and force the air in.

The next couple of weeks were equally difficult; I felt like someone around me had died. It was a lot more of being hurt than pain. I locked myself indoors and didn't want to see or speak with anyone. After about 2weeks I had to get myself together and I took the first steps to recovery.

I prayed--I know this seems like patronizing action; but I had nowhere else to go. Friends will listen to the details of the break-up but it will change nothing. God will listen and give you peace. Praying helped me a great deal because I could tell God exactly how I felt and won't get 'a look' for it. Also while praying I could cry and get a lot off my chest.

Closure--I needed to speak with my 'new ex'. I needed to hear him out and needed him to listen to me. This part was hard for me; because all I could think of was how much I loved him and how I could have avoided the break-up. But it had to be done. Having closure made me know where I had gone wrong and though it didn't make me feel better immediately it contributed to my long term recovery.

Love Walk--I re-charted my love walk with God. You know how one person becomes the center of your life, I had to make God that one person; I retraced my steps. That helped me realize that I had to start by loving God, there's no way to love someone if you don't love God. Walking with and Loving God has made me more open to possibilities.

Acknowledging Self Worth--the break-up left me with a feeling of inadequacy; I thought badly of myself. While recovering I wrote down all the things I was and what I wasn't I went through my list every morning before leaving for work. One of those phrases was;

"I am beautiful, smart and intelligent. I have the world before me. Any man would be lucky to have me in his life"

Phrases such as these helped put a spring in my step.

Taking care of myself/body-- I must admit that when I broke down I really really myself go. I was on a constant junk diet--I ate on potato chips, french fries and peanut butter with lots of soda, needless to say I gained a few pounds and had breakouts on my face. I also had a mild fever and I threw up constantly (yeah--I was a real mess). My first step was to get rid of the junk food and I started jogging and exercising. I did everything I could to burn off the fat and even went on a vegetarian diet for a while. After 2 weeks I felt brand new.

Not that I never though about (or see) my ex, he works in the building right next to my office, but I remind myself that its over between us--I have to get a move on. Being in the place of prayer also helped me find peace; made m realize that God has a plan for me and His plan is always the perfect plan and that He will never allow a temptation beyond that which I can bear.

I hope this helps those that are going through similar situations.

Wish me luck!!!

A Letter to my Husband

Dear Diary,

On my way to work this morning, I started to think about what it will be like being married, I though about all what i'll like to say to my husband; I decided to put it in writing.

Dear Husband,

Words cannot describe how happy I am to be your wife,

I am indeed the blessed woman to have you in my life,

Looking back to how long it took for you to come along; you are worth the wait,

My Love,

Meeting you was the best thing to happen to me,

Saying yes to become your wife was the beginning of all the wonderful miracles in my life,

Nothing and no one compares to you,

My Darling,

I promise to always love you;

To always be there for you;

To listen to your ideas, help you build your dream and pursue your purpose;

To be patient with you;

To never give up on you;

My Heart,

Your shoulder have always been strong enough for me to lean on,

I picture our children on those shoulders,

I CAN wait to spend the rest of my life with you; I promise to appreciate every second,

I love you, always will.

P.S. I'm at work now

Wish me luck!!!

You Should Know...

Dear Diary,

I think you should know that though I'm very single, there are a couple of contenders vying for The One. I want to take this time to introduce them to you. I'll be using their initials to describe the(for anonymity sake).

In July 2011, my friend in the US introduced me to another friend of hers whom she said wanted a serious relationship. Since he's also based in the US we connected via BBM and we've developed a steady friendship though we've never met and I found out we have more mutual friends. I'll just call him B. The reason we connected(relationship) hasn't been raised but I really really like him. Its the usual long distance hassles I think we can overcome although sometimes I get terrified that feeling is not mutual.

Also in 2012, I reconnected with a childhood acquaintance of mine .  I say acquaintance because even though we grew up in the same environment, we barely said a word to each other. I'll call him O. So... we reconnected and what started out as a nice friendship became a close one and I must say I loved the attention though I started to question a lot of the conversations. During the initial stage, I liked him a lot majorly because of his good looks and charm but then he complains like 80% of the time about work and people around him. Another thing I noticed about him was he could be forceful and very stiff; both characters are the very opposite of me. That scratched him of my list!!!

finally (well...not so finally) there is E. E happens to be a crush I had way back in high school but as were those times we were so shy. E and I connected sometime in 2011 and we had on and off BBM conversations until mid 2012 when he and his girlfriend broke up. It felt like a perfect time for us to connect but we had distance issues and both of s weren't so ready for anything serious. He's also been scratched of this list, because he got back together with his ex (yup--its hurt) but oh well!!!

So there you have it---I'm left my virtual (not sure we have it) relationship.

Wish me luck!!!

Getting Ready

Dear Diary,

I've asked myself so many times what I'm doing right or wrong. I've never claimed to be the perfect girl but I'm sometimes perceived as "proud". Could be because I'm very confident young woman or that I( most times) know what I want or that I work 2 jobs( I work and run my business). I realize that I don't want that perception to be true. I came up with a couple of steps to take while waiting for The One.

Praying--I pray everyday for myself, my relationship(that I don't have yet), my family, work, purpose and for Him. No matter how much I have or don't have, I know that God's part in bringing him cannot be over-emphasized.

Keeping Fit--Currently I weigh 58kg which is a good number when compared with my height. Yeah, I know its sounds funny but its important. I don't want to be underweight overweight for anyone but I owe it to Him to be healthy. In this regard, I take long walks, jog 3 times a week and try sit ups a couple of times. I try to stay off sugar and also pace my mental activity.

Personal Development-- No one wants to be with a bum head aka blondie. I love to read!!! I read anything with sensible content from novels to magazines to motivational books. My Bible is very top on my list because its where I get guidance from every morning.

Cooking-- I love to eat!!! Not in a greedy kind of way but in a more adventurous sort.  I try to eat something new and exotic at least twice a month. I've heard that the key to keeping a man it to keep him well fed. So I've been trying my hands at couple of African and continental dishes. And I must say I'm getting better!!!

These are some of the things I'm doing to get ready for The One. I'm also doing other things like taking particular note of my appearance; outfits and makeup and also being very courteous to people around me.

Wish me luck!!!

The Single's Creed

Dear Diary,

I came across this post a while ago and just thought to refresh my memory.

I promise to learn the basics,
Feed myself,
Be punctual in all things,
Do as much of my washing and ironing as I can,

And learn not to lose my temper when every married person reminds me how lucky I am to be single,

Just because I’m only catering to one.

I intend to upgrade myself,

Instead of worrying about meeting the one,

Let me focus on being the right one,

I will read more because readers are leaders,

I will think faster because I have the mind of Christ,

I will learn faster because I am able to do all things through Christ that strengthens me.

I vow to treasure myself,

To see myself as a royal priesthood of God,

A holy citizen of a holy nation,

To treasure this temple with every due respect and not degrade it,

To enjoy my “singleness”,

And appreciate that what is mine will gravitate towards me in due time.

I promise not to get annoyed when relatives and friends,

Assume my joy is because I don’t care about finding “the one”,

Or friends on Facebook assume every baby I show up in a picture with,

Belongs to me.

Wish me luck!!!

First Words...

Dear Diary,

I can't say I've never been in love. I've been in love twice; once as a teenager and the second time as a young adult. Both times were amazing and though I've moved past those times, I still find myself going back and forth on the experiences of both relationships.

My first love started as a 'hate' relationship--I never could stand his sight!!! I thought he was arrogant and self absorbed, not like I ever said a word to him but he just seemed so and remained that way all through high school. Then in my first year in the university we actually had a conversation--and I did the most unexpected thing!--I blush!! He asked me why I hated him so much and I couldn't find words. That was the beginning of a beautiful relationship. While   in the university, a few miles separated us, but we still made it through 3yrs. I thought we were perfect even though we never actually said the words "I Love You"--till much later--our relationship blossomed and when it was over it was hard to believe.

Love number two was a lot more matured and happened in my early twenties when I had my heart and head in sync.  can't say I was as in love as I was the first time( there's something about "The First") but I gave all I had and did my best to make it work but I guess we weren't just in the cards for the fates.

I've made a couple of mistakes, hooked up with a few "not-so-good" dudes, but I guess a happy ending is never complete without a few bends.

So here I am, fresh and out ready to take the next couple of steps to find the one.

Wish me luck!!!